Tree without Blossom - Chapter 17/20
Feb. 11th, 2012 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunmontueRating: M/NC-17
Word count: ~6,000 words for this chapter
Warnings: Highlight to read.Fairly detailed talk of suicide (an OC, not a character). Also reasonably obscure mention/discussion of child abuse. PM me and I can send you a separate sanitized chapter to read instead, and then you can come back to the main story next chapter.
Summary: A future!fic set in 2025 where Kurt and Dave's lives intertwine again, proving just how small the world really is, and how Fate has a twisted sense of humour. AU from end of Season 2.
Author’s note: Please read the warning. Also, an almost picture of Dave’s tattoo is on my tumblr account, and also on my LJ account. Sorry again for it being late (working on three things at once doesn’t work too well for me). Happy holidays for whatever you are celebrating in your part of the world.
Disclaimer: I do not, never have done, and never will, own Glee, Fox or any of the affiliated actors etc. (More’s the pity).
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17 - FEBRUARY 2026 (part two)
When he wakes later, Dave is awake, head propped up on his hand and staring down at him, smile on his face. He still looks tired, but rested, eyes are soft as they watch him.
“Morning.”
“Mmm. Morning,” Kurt replies, and he stretches out, deliberately pushing his own body against Dave’s. He chuckles softly and presses a kiss to the side of his face that warms him inside. He doesn’t want to ruin this quiet good mood, but they talk well in bed, when there is nothing between them. He’s not sure where to start, what questions to ask. It’s a bit like entering a minefield. He has so many things he wants to talk about he doesn’t know where to start exactly, and he knows if Dave wants to shut him down he will, however he doesn’t think it will happen. Not now.
“You’re thinking very loudly Kurt…” Dave mumbles and he starts, because Mercedes says the same thing to him.
“Sorry…I didn’t, I mean, I don’t –”
“Shh…I didn’t say for you to stop thinking. But you can talk you know. Ask. Tell. Share… whatever.”
“Are you glad it’s over? The conference?” It’s the most innocuous question he can think of, and he’s hoping he can lead into asking about his job.
“Fuck yes…it’s exhausting. Everything about them. It’s great, sharing information and learning new things and discussing techniques, but it’s so emotionally draining at the same time… I enjoyed it though. Especially running the workshops. Those were probably the highlight. The most rewarding part definitely.”
“What were the workshops about? I mean… I know it was work related, but what do you do exactly? For your job I mean? I’ve kind of gathered it’s not fun, not that I can imagine any aspect of police work being fun, but… Do you deal with something really bad?” Kurt asks, knowing he’s rambling, but unable to stop himself.
Dave has stiffened beside him, just slightly, and Kurt goes with his instincts, wrapping an arm around his waist and tucking his head under Dave’s chin. It’s not exactly comfortable, but he wants to hold Dave, because he can already tell that he’s no longer happy and relaxed. He lets out a long breath, and it tickles the top of his head and he feels Dave relax again. Not completely, but enough.
“What I do is fairly specialised. I joined the force after completing my Bachelors in psychology, and they approached me about doing my doctorate and well…here I am.”
Kurt’s bit stunned. He’s not sure why, originally, months ago, he’d just assumed that Dave was a run-of-the-mill police officer; then he’d realised that Dave did something that required regular hours and not to be in uniform, at least not every day. To find out now though, months later, that Dave is a doctor. It explains his friendship with Mike a bit more clearly, how they met in college, because they were probably doing papers together, not just playing ball. He knows he still doesn’t have the full story, because Dave has answered but also not answered at the same time, so he keeps quiet.
“My main role, uh, the one I specialise in… Well, I majored in child psychology and I specialise in interviewing children that have been abused.”
He pulls away from Dave, wanting to look at him, see his face in the half-light and…he has no idea what to say. He’d never even realised that that type of job existed. Of course it would need to exist though, but he just can’t get his head around how simply soul-destroying a job like that could become. Then pieces start falling and clicking, Dave not coming back from work that one night, Karen’s worried looks, Dave’s clear avoidance of the subject matter… He stares at him in shock.
“Fuck. That’s…fuck. That has to be one of the worst jobs I have ever heard of…”
“Yeah well… it can really suck. But someone has to do it.” His whole body shrugs, shifting slightly. “I’m unusual because I’m a guy. Most of the people that do this job are women. Thing is… in about a third of cases the abuser is a woman, so… between me and Karen we pretty much cover every base. Small petite woman and large muscular man. We’ve had it backfire a couple of times, with kids being shit scared of me, but it’s been because they’re scared of everyone… you really don’t want to be hearing about all of this. It’s rough and I try and leave it at work as best I can… plus I have to see a shrink myself, to work through shit, because it’s… well, it’s a shitty job. But it’s so rewarding when you’ve helped a kid work through everything and prepare them for trial or giving video evidence and watch the utter scum be sent to jail. When they walk free, well… I prefer not to think about that.”
Kurt doesn’t know how to respond, so he just wiggles in close again and hugs. Dave huffs into his hair, and without seeing his face it’s hard to tell whether it’s amusement or something else, but he doesn’t stop hugging him, and it’s more for himself than Dave, because he likes his tidy neat little world, where he can pretty much ignore some of the uglier facets of human nature, and yet Dave goes to work and faces them head-on every day, seeing how awful and ugly humans can be to their own kind, the most innocent of their own kind. Even just thinking about it, some of the things Dave must have had to deal with, make him feel like crying, and he realises then that Dave is rocking him slightly, trying to comfort him. It makes him feel ridiculous, because Dave is the one with this job and yet he’s comforting Kurt. Who works with fabric, and actors and a ditzy intern. Why he would need comforting he doesn’t understand, but he feels better anyway with Dave hugging him back.
They lay there, silence stretching between them, and it’s comfortable. He still has questions though, and now knowing the strength that Dave has to go to work every day goes some way to possibly explaining the tattoo. How Dave had talked about the tree being strong, but needing to bend because otherwise it would break. He wants a fuller explanation as to what it means, know why Dave got it. That’s what he’d said, that he’d tell him what it meant, but not why he got it. Something like that anyway. He draws back slightly so he can see Dave’s face, moves even further back so he can see the tattoo.
“And this?” Kurt asks, fingers tracing over the twisted-curly tree tattoo. Dave’s eyes shutter closed and when they open again to meet his eyes he feels his gut clench. He’s stripped bare. Kurt has to bite his lip from saying anything, taking back the question, because while he doesn’t like the fact that he’s dredging up what are clearly painful memories for Dave he knows it’s important, so he needs to know. Needs for Dave to tell him.
“It’s…complicated. Depressing. And…it’s difficult for me to talk about. You really want to hear this?” Kurt nods. “Well. Okay…my second boyfriend. Rowan…” Dave starts, and pauses and Kurt frowns, trying to recall Dave ever mentioning him before.
He’s still friends with Keegan, and he cheated on Dave. And Greg, his last boyfriend is only out of the picture because he’s out of the country, and he knows Dave still talks to him and exchanges e-mails occasionally. Dave is one of those people that stay friends with their exs. And weirdly, it doesn’t bother him. It would be slightly hypocritical if it did, considering his enduring friendship with Blaine. The name Rowan though? He certain he’s never heard the name or met anyone in Dave’s circle of friends with that name, and if he isn’t in Dave’s life then he must have done something fairly horrific or… he feels sick suddenly, not knowing how he knows, but knowing that he’s about to hear something terrible. And he’s made the connection that a rowan is also a tree…
“Rowan was…happiness and light. Slightly kooky. No, he was a lot kooky. He was one of those people that people always wanted to make sure were invited to parties, because he was so much fun to be around. He’d draw out the shy people; make sure everyone was having fun. Always deflected attention away from himself…”
Dave pauses again, either to gather his thoughts or simply lost in them. Kurt has picked up on the use of past tense, the hitching in Dave’s voice as he talks and he has to close his eyes, because he’s pretty sure he’s going to cry. Part of him wants to put a hand over Dave’s mouth, tell him it’s okay, that he doesn’t need to go on, that he gets it. The other part wants to know, so that he can be there for Dave, so no parts of their lives are hidden.
“He killed himself. Wrote a note on his arm and hung himself in our bedroom. I…was a mess for quite a while. I mean…I’m a fucking psychologist and I didn’t even notice my own boyfriend was suffering… I…”
Dave stops then, his body starting to shake silently and Kurt presses himself to him, arms wrapping around him as best he can and he just holds, a couple of tears squeezing out of his eyes at Dave’s pain. Dave cries with his whole body, and Kurt knows how exhausting it can be. He’s glad it’s out now though, like finally ripping off a band-aid to expose a wound to air. Sure he could have lived without ever knowing, but he knows that Dave was ready to share this with him, otherwise he’d still be in the dark. He’s trying not to think about it, but he really hopes that Dave now lives in a different apartment.
They lay like that, arms wrapped around each other, blood circulation slowing to one of his arms because it’s awkward, but he doesn’t move or care that he’s going to have killer pins and needles. Dave’s pain is a thousand times worse. When he speaks again his voice is raw.
“Courage to get through it, understanding…that it wasn’t my fault and that there was nothing I could have done, resilience to be able to move on with my life and not let it hold me back, love for life and people and finally sincerity, to say things and mean them…”
Kurt’s lips feel swollen with the amount of chewing he’s been doing and his throat is tight with the fuller explanation behind the little letters in the tattoo. The fact that Dave has it, that he carries something on his body with him always to remind himself that he’s strong…well, he has to agree with Karen and say that the ‘s’ has to stand for strength as well.
“And it’s a rowan tree, well…for the obvious reason, but also because European mythology says rowans are magical trees that protect against evil. I’m not really superstitious but…protection helps. And I always use that as an easy explanation…unless someone’s gotten close enough to see the letters…”
He hears the weak joke in Dave’s voice, the desperation to turn the conversation to something else, anything else. Kurt obliges.
TWB
The day is spent quietly. Not doing quiet things, but they don’t say a lot to each other. Kurt’s body is always touching his though, be it knees pressed to his under the table, or walking hand-in-hand, or reaching out to place a hand on his thigh while he drives, Kurt is always close, as if he knows his simple physical presence will help. And it does. It’s always helped. Dave isn’t ashamed to admit he needs physical contact, be it from friends or family or…Kurt. He can’t go any longer without it being said. Needs Kurt to know how he feels. Especially after this morning. Despite the sensation of being all talked out, they need to talk. And Kurt said those words, all the way back in October, and it’s only four months ago, but it feels like so much longer.
They’re sitting on the sofa and reading, Kurt’s feet in is lap and he’s stroking around his ankle bone absentmindedly, not reading the words on the e-reader in front of him, instead trying to think of ways to bring up the fact that they need to talk. He doesn’t want to break the silence, but he’s been holding it in for weeks, and all day he’s forced himself to keep quiet.
“Kurt…” Dave starts, and his eyes flick up from his book and he’s smiling softly and Dave just feels right. “I’m in love with you. I love you.”
Kurt doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are warm and he’s swinging his legs away from him and then moving to straddle him, and he cups his face in both his hands and just stares into his eyes for a few seconds before lowering his mouth to Dave’s and giving him a slow thorough kiss for a few moments before pulling back.
“I love you too David Karofsky.”
Kurt is smiling at him and Dave knows his answering grin has to be just as wide. He rests his hands on Kurt’s hips, feeling overwhelmingly happy. They’ve said the words, they can sort everything else out later. Much later.
TWB
Dave is fascinated. He’s never been on a movie set, but Kurt had walked through so fast Dave hadn’t had time to take in much. There’s dozens of people though, and it’s like a separate community and everyone knows everyone else. He’s had a few odd looks, but he’d just smiled benignly and hurried after Kurt. He’s wearing a visitors tag, and he’s sure his wide-eyed wonderment is making him stick out even further.
Kurt stops to talk to a few people, and he just hangs back, trying to look in obtrusive. Kurt is working. Dave is spending the day with him, because he’s curious as to what Kurt’s day consists of. So far he seems to have spent a lot of time on the phone. Kurt apparently has office space that he rents from the studio, which Dave has to admit he’s curious to see.
When Kurt pushes the door open to another building and ushers Dave inside the first thing he notices is the riot of colour and fabric and loose pieces of thread on the floor and pins trampled into the carpet. This office space is a large creative working space, calling it an office is just wrong. There’s cork pin boards with photos and fabric samples stuck to it. There’s a massive bookshelf, and there are folders and books and…a golden statue being used as a bookend. There’re photos in frames, and he recognises Mercedes, and Burt Hummel and Finn and his mom. All of Kurt’s personality is here, and he’s sure it’s organised but it just looks chaotic to him.
There’s a raised dais and mirrors surrounding it. There’s also a camera and TV screen, although he’s not sure what they’re for. He hasn’t ever thought about costume design, but it’s clear just looking around the room that it’s fairly involved. Vicky is sitting at a desk, sketching something out on a tablet but looking at a larger screen in front of her, and Kurt has headed to what is clearly his own desk. It is almost spotlessly clean, a computer set to one side with three monitors, two neat piles of paper and some unopened mail.
There’s a chair opposite Kurt’s desk, so he sits and makes himself comfortable, more than happy to watch Kurt work. Vicky hasn’t seemed to notice their arrival at all, which doesn’t surprise him. Kurt is busy starting-up his computer, and he seems to have forgotten Dave’s there. It’s fine with him, because judging from the way Kurt keeps glancing at his watch he either has somewhere to be, or someone coming to his office.
His suspicions are confirmed when he hears a knock and a glance behind him shows the door opening to reveal Renee Walker. She’s followed by Cassie, who is talking into a phone and just waves in Kurt and Dave’s general direction. Renee comes over and kisses the air on either side of Kurt’s cheeks and then turns towards him, a perfectly shaped brow raised and a coy smile on her lips.
“And you’re Dave…”
“I’ve already given him the hard word. And stop leering at him,” Cassie mutters, pushing past her to pass some paper work to Kurt. “We’ve got thirty minutes before she needs to be in Lot three for a read through before she flies back to the set this afternoon. Fuck, if she wasn’t my sister I’d have quit this job years ago,” Cassie says, and it’s all directed at Kurt, although Renee is glaring daggers at her. Dave withholds a chuckle but Kurt is smiling ever so slightly, drawing a measuring tape from a draw to his side and he lets it unravel from the coil and then runs it through his hands.
Dave watches as Kurt runs the tape through his fingers and directs Renee to stand on the dais where he can measure her. He’s never thought watching Kurt measure someone could be…arousing. He wonders if Kurt is being overly provocative, if he knows that each time he bends down the material of his pants draw tight across his arse. Except Kurt is calling out numbers to Vicky, who is writing them down on a piece of paper. Kurt looks the full part of a professional so Dave is pretty sure he’s unaware of how good he looks tugging that tape between his hands and bending over.
“You’re practically salivating…” Cassie remarks, and she’s leaning against the desk, eyes on him and Dave knows he’s just started to blush. He shrugs. There’s no use denying it, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, being attracted to Kurt. “He does have a cute arse. I’m jealous of it sometimes…”
When Kurt turns around to the sound of their joint laughter they both refuse to tell him what they’re laughing about.
TWB
It’s Dave’s last night and Kurt is determined to take Dave to his favourite restaurant. He’s tried twice before and been distracted both times. Tonight he’s not going to be distracted from getting out of the apartment but when he steps into the entrance-way of the restaurant he’s reminded that this is also Alex’s favourite restaurant, because Alex is standing right there in front of him. Kurt rolls his eyes and Dave frowns, lowering his mouth to Kurt’s ear and whispering ‘what?’
“Alex. My ex,” Kurt replies, keeping his voice low, but not low enough apparently, because Alex is turning, and taking a step towards him.
“Kurt, babe, it’s good to see you…”
Kurt can’t believe that Alex is actually moving forward as if to hug him, or kiss him on the cheek. He steps back and raises a hand, ready to push him away if he gets too close and he’s pretty pissed off at the familiarity, as if he has a right to it.
“You do not get to call me that. You gave up the right to call me anything but Kurt months ago,” he says, and his voice is void of emotion. Alex stiffens slightly at the tone, his eyes harden and Kurt recognises the signs of Alex thinking he’s been hurt, preparing to lash out.
“I see you’ve moved on from Reese Walker already…” Alex states, and Kurt rolls his eyes. Dave huffs in amusement and his arm circles around Kurt’s waist in a gesture of comfort or support, he’s not sure.
“Kurt hasn’t had to move on. He’s more than man enough to handle both me and Reese,” Dave states, and his voice and tone is matter-of-fact and Kurt manages to not gape at him or burst into laughter. Alex’s eyes have gone wide, and Kurt steps around him to give his name to the maître d’.
“You’re adorable when you’re pretending to be pissed off…” Dave whispers in his ear as they are led to their table and Kurt looks up in surprise.
“I’m not pretending. I am pissed off. Just not at you.”
“Mmm…well, you’re hot when you’re angry.”
“I…am I?” Kurt asks, stopping in his tracks and Dave has to nudge him to get him moving again.
“Yep. Well, I think you’re hot all the time, but there’s something to be said for the passion in your eyes when you’re angry…”
“It’s called annoyance.”
“Mmm, okay. Think I’m destined to always find you hot, no matter what your mood.”
“God you’re a sap…” Kurt says, shooting a glance over his shoulder, and Dave is grinning at him
“Yep. Your sap.”
Kurt’s smiles back. Yeah. All mine.
TWB
“Hey…” Dave greets, and Kurt’s body is flooded with warmth. There’s no sickly-sweet endearments or pet names, but the amount of heat and feeling in that simple greeting have Kurt feeling flushed and god, he’s starting to get hard because of a simply fucking greeting, and it’s just…wonderful.
“Hey yourself. How was your day?”
“Good. Apparently my seminars that I ran had a lot of positive feedback, so my captain thinks I’m pretty hot stuff right now. Not that he doesn’t usually, but it’s nice for him to hear it from other people once in a while.”
Kurt likes the fact that Dave is confident in his job, despite it sounding soul destroying. It’s been ten days since Dave left, and while he’s sure Dave intended for them to talk about it, their relationship hasn’t been talked about. No more than exchanging keys and words of love, which is all Kurt needs to know that they’re both in it, are going to try and work this out. They just need to discuss the logistics.
“We’re really doing this aren’t we…” Kurt says, and he feels a little thrill of exhilaration at the words.
“Uh. You mean this whole long-distance relationship thing?”
“Yeah…” Kurt replies with a sigh, the words long-distance and relationship hang in the air but they don’t feel suffocating like he thought they might.
“Yeah, we really are. I think we’ve been doing okay so far…”
Kurt hums in agreement, because Dave’s right. Despite them not having defined it before, they’ve spent two weeks together this year already, and they’re only seven weeks in. He’s not sure if a relationship can work when they’ll only see each other a week a month, because that’s what he can afford to not be in LA for, maybe two if he were extra organised and had a proper home office set up in Chicago, but he doesn’t care, he wants this to work, wants to be happy and more than anything he wants Dave to be happy.
