To Safely go Home - Chapter Two

[sunmontue]

Title: To Safely go Home
Chapter: 2/4 (4,000/15,800)
Rating: R
Summary: When Kurt is almost ripped away from him Dave takes it upon himself to help him find his way back home to him. Memory loss fic. Fairly fluffy even though that wasn't the intention.

CHAPTER ONE






CHAPTER TWO

Dave swipes the tears away and blows his nose, and he avoids looking in the mirror because he always looks like shit when he cries, and there's nothing he can do to change the fact and looking in a mirror isn't going to help. His whole body is exhausted. Mind, heart and soul as well. He has Kurt alive, but not whole. And he shouldn't feel bad about that, because he's alive, but he's also not his. The doctors are fairly positive about his memory returning, but can't give a definite time frame, or whether it will be sequential or piecemeal. So he's in here to cry and rage, and then he'll go back out and deal with everything. The fact that Kurt looks at him with confusion tinged with fear makes him want to throw up, but if he has to go through the last ten years all over again to be with Kurt then he will.

He leaves the bathroom cubicle and heads back to Kurt's room, and stops when he sees Blaine at Kurt's side, finger stroking down his face, and he feels a sense of relief that Kurt is pulling away from that touch as well, looking at Blaine with a puzzled 'who the fuck are you?' look on his face that Dave recognises, if only because it's so close to his 'who the hell are you trying to kid?' look he gives Dave on an almost daily basis. Blaine is talking to Kurt, saying stupid things like how he'll heal and look just as beautiful as ever, which is bullshit, because even bruised and battered Kurt's beauty is there, shining. Dave wonders where the hell Burt is, because it's obvious that Blaine has no idea Kurt doesn't remember him. Kurt's eyes flick to his, and instead of fear or wariness there is relief in his eyes and Dave feels his heart swell.

"Karofsky. Can you make him leave? He's kind of freaking me out…"

And with the use of his last name his heart deflates again, but getting rid of Blaine is one job he can do whole-heartedly.

"You heard the man Anderson, I think it wold be best if you left."

"But why? We're best friends…I've been really worried about him…"

"Yeah, so worried this is your first visit in two weeks. Wow Anderson, you're a real gem…he's lost his memory, so you being here means nothing to him," Dave says, and he keeps his voice quiet out of deference to the fact that they're in a hospital and he doesn't want to scare Kurt, or let him know what a complete douche Blaine can really be when it doesn't suit him otherwise.

"What, and you being here does? What does he remember of you Karofsky? And he wasn't awake, he wouldn't have known if I'd visited or not…"

"It doesn't matter what he remembers about me, because at least he remembers me."

"He'll remember me too if we talk for a bit…"

"Anderson, he was almost killed. Stop being such a selfish fucking arsehole and piss off. He'll remember you and talk to you when he's ready…"

He pushes him out of the room and closes the door in Blaine's face, leaning against it for a bit and he can't help but take heart in the fact that Kurt has no recollection of Blaine at all. That the memory loss is that complete. Kurt is watching him, curious.

"Was he a friend? I mean, is he a friend?"

"He's…a pain in my arse. But yeah, he's your friend. Your ex-boyfriend actually…"

"Oh. Really? He seems a bit…um, girly?"

Dave snorts in amusement, because while he agrees he's never said anything bad about Blaine before, simply because Kurt seems to have blinkers on where Blaine is concerned. Hearing him call Blaine girly is odd, because he'd always though Kurt held Blaine up as the epitome of perfect good looks. And Kurt isn't exactly an example of raging masculinity himself.

"So, how many boyfriends have I had?"

"Just two…"

"Huh. Good. Well, at least you make more sense than…what was his name? Anderson?"

Dave's even more puzzled as to why he makes more sense than Blaine as boyfriend material, and it's clear that Burt has filled Kurt in a little, because Kurt is looking at him with curiosity, which is a huge improvement on fear. Also he likes hearing Kurt call Blaine by his last name, because no matter how often Kurt reassures him, he'll always feel slightly threatened by the history they have together.

KHDK

While he misses his Kurt, he likes the fact that he's kind of getting to know Kurt all over again. His little bitchy moments, his sulks, his glares…it makes him realise how much Kurt has actually mellowed. Except for the glaring. He'll always do that he hopes, mainly because Dave likes it. Between himself and Burt they're managing to deal with it all, and they both figure the more Kurt complains the better he's feeling.

Another week has passed, and Dave had bought in Kurt's tablet, loaded with all the recent fashion magazines, and Kurt has spent hours with the thing, eyes bright with delight. He's slowly starting to heal. The bruising on his face and body has faded to pale yellows and greens, and Dave's insanely glad that there are no mirrors around, because no matter his apparent age, Kurt would have freaked out if he'd seen himself.

He's answered dozens of questions. What Kurt does now. What college he went to. What his hobbies are. A few times he's caught Kurt watching him, and Dave's pretty sure he wants to ask about them,but he's too shy to broach the subject. According to Burt, Kurt was pretty much horrified about sex when he was a teenager, trying to ignore the whole sex-talk Burt had forced upon him, and he's pretty sure broaching the subject area is probably going to result in embarrassment for both of them when it does come up.

He's bought in movies for them to watch, entire TV series he knows Kurt loves but has no memory of. Finn has visited again, and when he'd greeted Kurt with a 'hey bro' Dave would swear he saw Kurt's bottom lip tremble. There's been no change with the memory loss, so they've started filling in gaps, because avoidance is just becoming too difficult. Finn, along with Carol had turned up with a loaded tablet, and taken Kurt on a visual journey, starting with his junior year in high school. That had turned awkward pretty quickly, Kurt asking why he was suddenly wearing a preppy school-boy costume. Finn had gone silent, and Carol had looked at Dave, then at Kurt, and suggested they needed some time alone to talk before dragging Finn out of the room.

Explaining his actions, how he had treated Kurt, scared him and intimidated him, forced him out of McKinley is one of the hardest things he's had to do in a long time, but he's not going to pretend he's something he's not. He's not perfect, and he's not going to lead Kurt to think he is. He has to have faith that Kurt will forgive him. Again. Kurt listens intently the whole time, eyes never leaving his face. He goes back to flicking through the photos and Dave keeps quiet, unsure what Kurt could possibly be thinking. If this was Kurt now he'd have a fairly good idea, but this is Kurt then, and this Kurt remains a mystery.

KHDK

"When do you think they'll let me go home?"

Dave exchanges a look with Burt, because Kurt had been looking at his father when he asked the question. Dave shrugs, Burt can take this one.

"I don't know buddy? And uh…home where exactly?" Burt asks, and he looks at Dave, and it's become a weird triangle. Kurt looks at him then, eyes wide and then looks back at his dad. If Kurt wants to go back to Lima and stay with his dad then he's fine with that, because he will follow. They still haven't talked about what they are now. Kurt knows that they're boyfriends. But's he doesn't know they live together. Have been together for nearly five years, have lives that lock together like two puzzle pieces. He'll need to say something.

"I…home with you?" Kurt asks his dad, and his voice is quiet and imploring, and Dave aches, because he can't fix this, and he really really wants to.

"If you want to go back to Lima we can arrange it no problem…" Dave says, wanting him to know, but Burt looks between them and smiles.

"I know you're an expert on Kurt now Dave, but I'm an expert on teenage Kurt…"

Kurt looks between them and isn't looking impressed. "I am right here you know…" he interjects, and he's glaring at both of them and Dave just aches because that look is just pure Kurt, and it's also completely inappropriate to get turned on by an angry Kurt when A, his dad is sitting right there; and B, he has the mind of his teenage self.

"I know buddy. But we're in New York. You live in New York. You sure you want to go back to Lima?"

"I live in New York?"

Burt sends a smug look at Dave as he nods, and Dave isn't sure how Kurt's missed this fact. He's read the New York Times in this room every day, he's told Kurt how they go for walks in Central Park, how Kurt works as a fashion designer, how Kurt has dragged him to so many shows he's lost count…

"You live in New York. With Dave. If you want to come back to Lima you can…but the house won't be familiar. We moved to live with Carol and Finn…"

"I live in New York…" Kurt repeats, and despite his confusion as to why Kurt hasn't realised that they're in New York, Dave grins.

KHDK

He watches Karofsky a lot. He knows that they're technically the same age, but he feels like he has a school-boy crush on a teacher, except the guy is actually gay and loves him. Apparently. It's weird and scary and everything all at once. While Karofsky talks Kurt watches his lips, and he knows he's probably kissed those lips, probably done more than just kiss. Hopefully done more anyway. Sex kind of scares him, but he has to admit that he's insanely curious. He's watched Karofsky's arms, they look all firm and muscular and he wants to reach out and touch them sometimes. He's watched long fingers slide across a tablet screen, eyes crinkle into smiles and laughter, tongue wet his lips as he talks. He's pretty sure he's missed some of the things Karofsky has said, simply because he's been too distracted with watching.

He's learnt a fair bit from watching though. He can tell that his dad likes and respects him. That Karofsky and Finn get on really well in that mysterious fist-bumping way some guys have. How Artie has visited every second day without fail and bought Karofsky clean clothes or meals and they've shared jokes and Karofsky has asked after someone called Maria every time. All of this he weighs up against Blaine's view, when he had sat there and tried to sensationalize all of Karofsky's angry lashing out over ten years ago. How Karofsky had kissed him, threatened to kill him and forced him to transfer. It was as if he was trying to get him to hate Karofsky.

If Karofsky hadn't already methodically listed all of his transgressions against him with downturned eyes Kurt may have been alarmed by Blaine's out-pouring of scorn and obvious distaste. Instead he'd listened and been a bit bewildered as to why he was friends with a guy so eaten up with apparent hate. Apart from Karofsky saying that Blaine was a pain in his arse, he's said nothing bad about him, and it's pretty freaking obvious by his body language and changed demeanour that he doesn't like Blaine. Which he can understand, because if Karofsky was friends with his ex-boyfriend Kurt can't see him liking the guy much either. So he ignores Blaine, because his dad and Finn and Artie all like him, and he trusts them over some guy he doesn't even remember.

KHDK

He thinks while he's massaged and stretched, the on-going physiotherapy giving him plenty of time to dwell in his thoughts and distract him from the pain in his body. He's very quickly come to realise that knowing things and experiencing things are completely different. He knows so much now. About what his life has been like. Is like. But the knowledge is useless, and some of it scares him. He doesn't remember college, and he would have used what he learnt there in his job, which means he probably can't do his job any more. He lives with Karofsky. Has been in a relationship with him for nearly five years…except he doesn't even remember ever being kissed at all. Let alone sharing his live with someone who isn't his dad.

He's been trying to think of Karofsky as Dave. He's seen the flashes of pain every time he uses Karofsky, and he doesn't do it intentionally to be hurtful, doesn't want to hurt him. Calling him Dave has the added benefit of disassociating him slightly from Karofsky and the bully he was and occasionally still remind him of, although it lessens every day. There has been nothing in his behaviour to indicate he would do anything but worship Kurt, and that knowledge makes him feel quite powerful, having someone so clearly in love with him.

However he's not in love with him. He likes spending time with him, can definitely understand being attracted to him (because well, he's hot), but there's no depth of feeling there. He definitely can't return what it is that Dave feels for him and doesn't know if he ever will be able to, because he can't recapture a five-year relationship. There is sometimes awkwardness between them, and Kurt's fairly certain that if he had all his memories that awkwardness wouldn't exist. That they'd probably be able to communicate without words. He does like Dave though, feels that maybe he could grow to love him, if it weren't for the fact that he sometimes feels so young in comparison. He tries not to dwell on the cruel thought that he's a teenager trapped in a twenty-something old body, because he's pretty sure he'd have a lot more fun the other way around.

KHDK

When he's finally allowed to leave it's with a list of do's and don'ts as long as his arm. He has a wheelchair which he can't push because of his broken arm, and crutches which he can't use for the same reason. He can walk, but his legs are wobbly. They're getting stronger though, and he's got a cane to help him for short distances, and it makes him feel ancient, but he uses it anyway, because he wants more than anything to be able to walk and dance like he remembers, and it makes him feel slightly more independent. He doesn't complain. Artie's visits are a regular reminder how lucky he is that he willwalk again.

Dave's apartment is amazing. He knows it his apartment as well, but he has no recollection of picking out any of the pieces of furniture or art or…anything. He walks around, eyes travelling over pictures of him and Dave, his dad, friends he recognises with added years, and other people that are strangers. It's not familiar at all, and he can tell that both his dad and Dave are waiting for him to suddenly have a eureka moment and claim all his memories are back. Dave is the first to snap his attention back to the present, and pushes Kurt through the apartment, giving him a tour.

"This is…uh…your room …"

It's obvious that it's their bedroom, and Kurt knows Dave is planning on sleeping in their home office or something, at least until his dad vacates the guest room, and a small part of him wants to suggest that they just share. He keeps his mouth closed though, because as curious as he is he's not ready for anything like that.

"Feel free to go through things. This is your bedroom, make yourself at home. Go through your clothes and things. Make them familiar again okay?"

Kurt nods his head jerkily, because it's what has been recommended, and he is curious about what clothes he wears now. Dave definitely dresses better, usually in jeans and a button-down shirt, but he's never seen and distinguishable labels on his clothes so can't tell what brand they are. Going through his wardrobe might provide some answers. He's been wearing sweats which had still had the tags on, and he gets that he needs these clothes right now, but it doesn't mean he has to like them, and he's curious about his own wardrobe as well. Dave unhooks his cane from behind him and lays it across his lap, says to call him if he needs anything and to feel free to take a nap if he wants to.

He gets up slowly, testing his legs, before going to the wardrobe doors and pulling them open. He knows it is shallow but he feels a ridiculous sense of relief that he clearly still has a sense of style. He scans through the clothes, and then reaches for a shirt, one that is clearly Dave's. It's smart and understated, with fine details like double stitching around the collar and the buttons sewn on with variegated thread. There's no care label and Kurt's pretty sure he's holding something that has been custom made for Dave. Then he realises that he probably made it for Dave. He hangs the shirt back up and closes the doors, backing away slowly and thoughtfully.

He moves to the bed, sitting on it to rest. Even though Dave said to go through things he feels like a nosey friend, poking into a life that isn't his own. Finding out that he makes clothes for Dave… it's a very personal thing, especially considering how closely he ties his own identity in with how he dresses. The fact that Dave lets him make clothes, and wears them is…touching. He knows Dave is an accountant, but that's the limit, but for Dave to be so clearly in support of his own job, wearing clothes Kurt has made. And okay, he's good at making clothes, even better now if that shirt is anything to go by, but it's still very pleasing, to have clothes he's made being worn by someone else. Even if he doesn't remember making them.

The bedside cabinet catches his eye, and feeling incredibly voyeuristic he pulls the top draw out slowly, being as quiet as possible to peer inside. Condoms. Lube. Tissues. He slams the drawer shut before he can pay attention to anything else, he knows his face is red and he can hear rapid footsteps heading towards him. He's not sure why he feels so shocked, he's figured that he and Dave have had sex. It's just seeing evidence too damning to ignore…

"You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Fine. Just…fine. I'm fine. Freaking out a bit, but I'm fine. Thanks. You can go back to talking to my dad about…whatever."

Dave's eyes flick around the room and he must catch something, because he settles on the draw.

"Oh. Oh. Right…" He coughs, clearing his throat. "If the top draw freaked you out, you should probably stay away from the bottom draw…"

Dave smiles tightly, and Kurt has become fairly good at reading the different types of Dave's smiles, and this one is fighting between amusement and agonised recollection. It's one of the more common smiles he sees. His curiosity gets the better of him and he leans down to pull open the bottom draw and he's not so completely stupid to not recognise a dildo, or a vibrator…there's smaller things, which look almost like miniature torture devices. He tries to not think about where these have been. He's clearly more comfortable with the idea of sex in the future, but he's not even sure what most of these things are for. He's never talked to anyone about sex before, and he'd been too terrified of his dad finding out to go on the internet and search for information. He goes to close the draw again, not wanting to touch anything but a small box catches his eye and he reaches for it. He fully expects it to be some weird kinky thing he doesn't know about, but he recognises a jewellery box when he sees one. He opens it carefully, because it could still contain something weird and his heart starts beating double-time because he recognises what's inside. Anyone would. Two rings.

KHDK

His journey up the hallway is slow, and he enters the lounge on shuffling feet. Both Dave and his dad turn to him, and the concern in both their eyes is almost identical. Dave is already on his feet, moving towards him and he holds the box out.

"Did you mean for me to find these?" Kurt asks, and that was the only thing he could think of, that they're rings that Dave has bought, but Dave has taken the box, and there's no sign of recognition on his face. Oh blast. He's only just realised that he was going through his bedside table, not Dave's…Confirmation comes in a flood when Dave snaps the box open and his eyes widen and then flick up to Kurt.

"I've never seen these before…"

Kurt feels terrible. The look on Dave's face is one of absolute heartache, and he's just realised that with the knowledge that Dave loves him absolutely comes a power to hurt him irreparably. He wants to snatch the rings back, rewind time, actually fucking think about the possible consequences of his actions. Dave is backing away from him and Kurt feels like slumping against the wall, because he didn't mean to hurt him, he's fairly certain he's never felt as bad as he does right now, emotionally.

"I need to go out…Burt can you…"

"You go. We'll be fine."

Kurt watches him shrug a jacket on and leave without even a backward glance, jewellery box clutched in his hand.

CHAPTER THREE