sunmontue | To Safely go Home

Title: To Safely go Home
Chapter: 3/4 (4,500/15,800)
Rating: R
Summary: When Kurt is almost ripped away from him Dave takes it upon himself to help him find his way back home to him. Memory loss fic. Fairly fluffy even though that wasn't the intention.

CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

He rides the subway in silence. He's not going anywhere. Just needs the anonymity and time and not-quite silence to help him think. To process. Kurt was going to propose. That's what the rings tell him. That Kurt no doubt had some completely over-the-top plan for either their five-year anniversary or Dave's upcoming twenty-seventh birthday. He feels a bit like he's lost a piece of Kurt all over again, because Kurt now doesn't know when their anniversary is, or Dave's birthday. He knows Kurt wasn't trying to be hurtful or malicious. He'd seen it on his face, but it doesn't do anything to ease the pain of loss.

He's also had to endure another 'talk' from Burt, telling him that despite his five year history and relationship with Kurt if he even thinks of laying a finger on Kurt without his express consent… well, Burt Hummel can be a very scary man when he wants to be. And as if he would ever touch Kurt without it being reciprocal anyway, and Kurt thinking he's only seventeen. Well, he doesn't need to feel worse about his attraction, he feels enough guilt as it is. It's hard sometimes though, not being able to touch him, just the casual brushes of hands, squeezes of upper arms, gentle kisses… Since Kurt has woken up he's kept his hands firmly to himself, and it stings a bit that Burt hasn't noticed that, would think so little of him despite the last five years.

KHDK

Kurt's pretty sure he's only survived the car crash so that he can die from embarrassment. His dad is talking about sex. Gay-sex. Sex with Dave. How he shouldn't feel pressured just because of their history or because he's found evidence of just how much he loves the guy… He can only think that fate is a cruel cruel mistress, making him live through two sex talks with his father. Although he can only remember this one, he's sure if he gets his memory back he'll have the joint embarrassment of both to deal with. He sits in silence, face red, studying his hands. He's pretty much trapped, legs tired from the walking around, wheelchair still in the bedroom, so he can't walk away. His dad leans forward and tilts his face up, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"I love you, and Dave loves you. You just gotta love yourself as well okay? Give it time and don't rush in to anything. Okay?"

"Okay dad…" Kurt mumbles, and he's agreeing just to get his dad to stop talking.

"Good. Well then. This went better than last time. Back then you really didn't want to know, shoved your hands over your ears and chanted la la la at me until I forced you to listen."

He blinks. If only he'd thought of that this time as well.

KHDK

Over the next couple of days they fall into a quiet routine. It's boring. Kurt's not sure if it's like this all the time and he leads a really boring life, or if his dad and Dave are trying to keep quiet and calm to help him heal. He was getting more stimulation at the hospital, joking with the nurses and watching people walk past his door. Now he has the TV and programmes which make weird references some times. He's got his own things he has to do. The physiotherapy, exercises, and he does them almost obsessively until his dad comes over and tells him to stop or he'll do more harm than good. None of it changes the fact that he's bored of being stuck in an apartment. It feels lazy and restrictive, and he kind of wants to dance around the room with excited jumps, because his life sounds pretty good really, even if it is boring. His dad is alive and happily married, he's got a hot boyfriend and he lives in New York and works as a fashion designer. He can't imagine anything more perfect. Except maybe being on stage, but he'll take fashion designer as a career. He's sure if he was working, or able to go out and explore the city, he'd be over his boredom very quickly, except his dad has put his foot down, saying he has to give himself a week at home. And while Dave had snorted in amusement, clearly not expecting Kurt to go along with it, he can't bring himself to disobey his father. And it's not like he can run out without assistance.

Things are awkward between him and Dave. At least, he feels awkward, and he's not sure if it's teenage hormones, because he shouldn't have those anymore right? Or whether it's his dad insisting on the sex talk. But now every time he looks at Dave he's pretty sure he's blushing. It doesn't help when Dave appears fully dressed in a suit, looking even hotter than normal saying he has to go in to work.

"I have my phone on. I shouldn't be later than six. Will you be okay?"

Kurt has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Remind himself forcefully that he almost died. Dave has a right to feel worried. Even if it is completely unjustified.

"I'll be fine. My dad's here, and Blaine is coming around later…"

"Right. Okay. Well…I hope you have fun."

There's an awkward pause, and Kurt's pretty sure that's where a goodbye kiss would slot in, but instead Dave shrugs and leaves, hand raising in a wave to his dad.

KHDK

Blaine is a puzzle. This weird out-of-place piece in his life, and he can't figure out where he is meant to fit in exactly. He wishes he knew, because it would make dealing with him a hell of a lot easier. He's given up bad mouthing Dave at least, instead switching tacks to regale him with numerous stories about how great high school and college was. How he transferred to McKinley because he loved Kurt so much. How he followed him to New York for the same reason. It makes him feel uncomfortable, but he doesn't say anything, because he's still effectively a stranger, despite all the little anecdotes he's telling one after the other.

Blaine doesn't seem to get bored with doing all the talking, and he does talk. It's actually making Kurt start to appreciate the quiet silences between himself and Dave, even if they're sometimes awkward, at least he has conversations with Dave. Even if they're about TV shows, or the weather, or how his dad is terrible at hiding the evidence that he had pizza for lunch again, Dave tries on a daily basis to engage him in conversation, rather than talk at him like Blaine is doing.

KHDK

"So how was your day?" Dave asks, and it's the first chance he's had to sit down and talk with Kurt without Burt there in a while, with Burt having excused himself to call Carol.

"It was interesting. Blaine is…odd. Has he changed a lot since I went out with him?"

"Uh…I don't know him that well. Then, or now."

"Why is that?"

Dave doesn't think 'because he's a douche' is going to be an acceptable answer, so he just shrugs.

"I kind of feel sorry for him…I mean, he came to visit and all he did was moan about how awful his life is. How he doesn't have a job right now. And he's single and…he doesn't have anything positive to say. It's kind of depressing."

Dave doesn't know what to say, because Kurt's pretty much just summed up how he feels about Blaine. Well, he missed out the self-centred selfish jackass bit, but close enough. He pauses, considering for a moment before saying what he's always thought.

"Whenever you come back from hanging out with him you're generally down for a day or two… like you don't think you deserve to be happy or something. And he only makes an effort to see you when his life isn't going his way. I just…I don't like him very much."

Kurt cocks his head to one side and studies him and he fidgets nervously. He's always been careful to never say anything negative about Blaine, terrified in the beginning that Kurt would defend him and get rid of Dave like yesterday's coffee.

"You've…you've never said anything bad about him before…"

Dave shrugs again, doesn't bother denying it, and he finds it a bit unnerving that even without his memories Kurt can see him. The real him. It gives him some hope.

"He's your best friend Kurt. I get that. I don't mind"

"I rather think that you're my best friend actually," he replies, and Dave flushes warm and dips his head, because that's how he's felt about Kurt for years now, and the tiny spark of hope has set to a warm flicker in his heart. He's had a question clattering around in his head for days, weeks now, and he really wants to ask. Rather, he wants to know the answer.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course…I can't promise I'll know the answer, but you can always ask."

"You said…back in the hospital…that I made more sense than Blaine. What did you mean?"

He's embarrassed in asking, but judging from the warmth in Kurt's cheeks he's just as embarrassed about answering. He feels like an idiot, but it's always something that's bothered him, something Kurt has always brushed off and reassured him that he likes Dave's body just how it is.

"Oh. Well…um. My first crush was Finn…and then…Sam. Tiny crush on Noah… I thought I'd go for a guy that was bigger than me. Physically I mean."

Kurt's face is bright red now, and he's avoiding looking anywhere but at the floor, which is fine with him, because he's pretty much been stunned in to silence. He's never thought of it that way.

"I just…can't understand why he's my first boyfriend if you were around…"

Dave goggles and gapes and when Kurt finally looks up at him he's pretty sure he must look like a clown. He tries every day to understand how Kurt must feel, how he might view this weird little world he's in, and some days it's almost as if he's never forgotten, but then moments like these…

"I wasn't out in high school. I made your life miserable. I struggled with accepting my sexuality for years, while you just…you seemed to flourish. Proud that you were different. Blaine was the only out gay guy you had met back then… There must have been others, but he kind of… took you and helped you stand up to me and… he was there for you when no one else could be."

Dave doesn't like talking about Blaine like this, making him sound good. He knows he's not evil or vindictive, but he just feels so inferior when Blaine is around, doesn't like the fact that he's also seen Kurt naked and kissed him and held him while he sleeps. Hearing Kurt's confusion as to why he was ever with Blaine is…almost freeing.

"So I dated Blaine because I had no other option?"

"Uh…yeah. I suppose. If you put it like that…" and he realises it's true. If he'd been a completely different person ten years ago, his life would likely be completely different. Kurt is nodding as if things are finally making sense.

KHDK

His dad packs slowly, and Kurt watches him, legs banging softly against the side of the guest bed. He's much stronger now, two weeks later. Daily sessions in a pool with his physiotherapist are paying off, and he now has a fiberglass light-weight cast. He's been able to ditch the wheelchair, although he still relies on the cane toward the end of the day, when he's more tired. If he didn't know he'd lost his memory, he'd say he feels almost completely normal.

"You really okay with me leaving? You still don't really know Dave that well…"

"Dad. I've spent nearly all day every day with him for the last eight weeks. He at least qualifies as my best friend now…"

KHDK

He's spoken to Mercedes over the internet, and she has aged fantastically, which she'd laughed at and called him a charmer when he told her. People have apparently been sending him e-mails, but he can't remember the password to check them, so they've all been redirected to Dave, who has given him free reign of his e-mail account to catch up with all his friends. It's bittersweet, talking to them, because it drives home the fact that he's lost ten years, but also makes him realise that he's drifted from some of these people as he's gotten older, all of them clearly absorbed in their day-to-day lives and finding it difficult to keep in touch, especially considering their scattered locations.

He sees Artie on a regular basis though. He loves it. Artie puts up with he repeated 'remember whens' and listens, and tells him stories about the crazy things the Glee Club did. He can't get enough of it. Artie works as a music producer, still small fry in a much larger company, but Kurt learns that Dave is the one who got him the job, because it's the same company that Dave works for as an accountant. And he's not sure when it happened, but Dave and Artie seem to be very close friends. He likes watching them interact. He's gone into work with Dave a couple of times now that his dad has gone home, mainly just to get out of the apartment, and because Dave seems reluctant to leave him alone. Before the accident he must have gone in to Dave's work on a regular basis, because everyone knows him, and he smiles awkwardly and gives little smiles when they greet him as if they've known him for years. He keeps close to Dave's side, a bit unnerved.

His dad leaving has been good for one thing. His boredom is alleviated almost instantly when Dave vacates their home office to move into the guest room. Their home office is like a magical play land, one that has been hidden from him until now. It's easily the biggest room in the apartment, and when Dave had first taken him inside he'd simply stared. It was all his outfit and costume making dreams come true. A cutting table, an over locker, an embroidery machine, standard sewing machine, a drafting board and bolts and bolts of fabric. It's organised just the way he would organise it and it's the first sense of homecoming he's felt since he woke up, that he's actually in his life and not someone else's. He'd almost cried at the relief.

He's spent every spare moment in there, figuring what everything is and he's made himself some clothes. Dave sits at his desk and watches, and he's smiling each time Kurt catches him out of the corner of his eye, and he figures that doing what he's doing is probably the most normal and usual thing Dave has seen so far, and he likes this new smile, it's shy and sweet and he wants to see more of it.

KHDK

The day the cast comes off Kurt's arm, the last outward physical reminder that he was almost killed, Dave's made plans. He's been careful, as per the doctors instructions, to not over stimulate Kurt or to exhaust him. His energy is being channelled towards mending and getting well. The doctors have run a battery of tests, taken x-rays and an MRI. Kurt's sat through it all patiently, reading the latest Vogue magazine on his tablet, answering questions and tests. It's been three months, and when he takes the neurologist aside to ask whether the memory loss is permanent he's given a shrug, and told he should live and act as if it is. The doctor follows it up with a statement that the brain is a funny thing, and just because it is unlikely doesn't mean it is impossible. He'd kind of slipped into white noise for a moment. He'd been secretly hoping that they'd say something else. He forces himself out, turning to Kurt who is on the phone to his dad, telling him he's been given the all-clear physically, with on-going physiotherapy for his legs and arm. He's grinning at something his dad says, still smiling when he meets Dave's eyes and hold. It feels like forever before Kurt blushes and averts his eyes again, but Dave feels a sudden sense of wellness, because Kurt isn't unaffected by him. It's gratifying, but also a relief, because if the attraction had been all one-sided he would have felt even more uncomfortable, not to mention inappropriate. He can't imagine it being any easier for Kurt, thinking and feeling that Dave is so much older than him, although ten years isn't much, it is also a lifetime. He's gotten used to the idea, had to if he wants a future with Kurt, which he does, so he's persevered., and he's glad he has now, with the doctor's words still repeating themselves in his mind.

"So…I was thinking of going out tonight. Dinner and then a show…"

He knows he has said the right thing, because Kurt's face lights up.

"I'd…really like that. Is it…a date?"

It's asked shyly, quietly, and he can't help but find it completely adorable, but he also realises that yes, it needs to be a date. He's nodding as he's thinking it, and Kurt blushes and looks away. He's glad Kurt has asked, because it's just made him realise, rather belatedly, that if he actually wants a relationship with Kurt then he needs to start from scratch.

KHDK

"Oh my…this is the Gershwin Theatre…" Kurt says in a reverent tone and Dave grins at him, nods and holds out a hand which Kurt takes with one more awestruck look around.

"Every time we come here, you tell me a story about the time you and Rachel broke in when you guys were here for Nationals. We've been here a lot, so I'll probably get the story work perfect," Dave says, and he's still grinning, Kurt's hand warm in his, hanging on his every word.

KHDK

Kurt's getting frustrated. His physiotherapy is going well, he's actually been into his actual place of work and talked things over with his boss, an intimidating man who had been lovely really, but had looked very scary. Dave had been with him though, this constant beside him. Dave's with him most of the time, and except for the handholding when they're on official dates (of which there have now been three), physical contact is non-existent. He gets that Dave is probably trying to be all gentlemanly, but he's starting to get annoyed at how careful Dave is, not even a casual brush of hands or sitting on the same sofa while they watch TV.

He's pretty sure Dave is picking up on it. Picking up on something anyway, because Kurt's snapped at him a couple of times, in response to the gentlest of questions. He feels terrible afterwards, wants to apologise, but hasn't managed to yet. Dave makes no big deal of it, just brushes it off and goes on with whatever he was doing. It makes Kurt wonder just what kind of bitch he is in ten years, and he really hopes he's not. That he's someone worthy of Dave. Because he feels pretty lucky to have Dave in his life. He knows Dave isn't perfect, because he leaves dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is right there, and he leaves toothpaste spittle on the chrome taps in the bathroom, and there're probably dozens of little things that he doesn't even know about yet. However they all fade into insignificance when Dave smiles, or brings Kurt a book about the last decade of fashion trends, or takes him to see the same show three times because he can't get enough of it….

They're in the kitchen when it happens, Kurt unpacking the dishwasher and Dave brushes past him, putting something away behind him.

"Sorry," Dave murmurs, and he snaps.

"I'm not going to break if you touch me."

"I…Kurt. I know that. I…"

"I know you're not going to hurt me…"

"It's not about hurting you Kurt…Even if you had every single memory of me in your head, I'd still be careful about touching you okay? Your body is still healing and I don't want to brush against you and have you fall to the floor okay?"

"Have a little faith. I'm not that fragile."

For a moment Dave looks like he wants to disagree, but he shrugs in that way he has, as if it's not worth his energy to argue, and it's irritating.

"I'm not," Kurt insists and despite him turning away Kurt sees the little twitch at the corner of his mouth. "What's so funny?"

"I…you'd have called me out weeks ago if you had your memory. You'd have said something and demanded that I stop treating you like an invalid…probably while you were still in hospital."

"Oh…right. Well then. Good. Stop treating me like an invalid. I'm fine. I feel completely normal."

"Okay then. I'll try. But… I want you to feel…safe here. It's your home too. When we first started uh…dating, we had separate apartments. Here, there's only your bedroom, so you can't really escape me. So, if I do or say anything that you don't like, or annoys you… well, don't hold back. You don't hold back. You've never held yourself back, so don't start now just to protect my feelings okay?"

Kurt nods, because he can believe what Dave is saying all too easily. He's never been one to quietly go and follow. And Dave is sweet and understanding, and he wants to let him know the same things. That it's his home as well, and he needs to be just as comfortable as Kurt.

"If you want to touch me you can," Kurt blurts, and his eyes widen in shock at how that sounds. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that you don't have to be so careful to not touch me. Shit." He hardly ever swears, but he's babbling, and Dave is laughing. He glares at him.

"It's fine Kurt. I get what you mean. It's a two way street though. You can touch me…uh…as well. In the same way. Um. Yeah. Don't worry about offending me, or leading me on… I'm a big boy."

"Um…okay," Kurt says, and he knows he's blushing again, because despite his best efforts he couldn't help but wonder how big Dave's penis is when he said big boy.

KHDK

Later, when they sit down to watch TV, Dave sits on the sofa with him.

KHDK

It's another two dates before Kurt decides to initiate a kiss. He's pretty sure that while apparently Dave has the patience of a saint, he also has a severe guilt complex over the fact that he's mentally a teenager… not that Dave acts all that grown up sometimes, tonight a case in point where he's dragged Kurt to watch an action film involving super heroes of some kind. He'd been a bit put out, until Dave had playfully nudged him and said 'hey, even you have to admit they look good.'

So before Dave opens the door to the apartment, because that's what signifies the end of the date, he tugs on Dave's hand, halting him in his search for his keys. He has no idea what to do, this is going to be his first kiss, and he has to do it fast, before he chickens out, so he just lunges forward, lips pursed and he pecks Dave's bottom lip quickly and pulls back. He only got his bottom lip because Dave is staring at him with his mouth agape. He seems to shake himself out of whatever fog he's in and tugs Kurt back toward him.

"You sure about this?"

Kurt nods, a short sharp staccato movement. He doesn't think he's ever been surer of anything.

"Just…"

"A kiss…I get it…"

Dave cups his face, gentle caresses of his cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs and Dave's lips are warm and soft, and he feels his body sway forward. It's just a soft warm pressure, gentle. He knows Dave is holding back, and he's grateful for that, because a herd of butterflies have taken flight in his stomach, and he's feeling all tight and tingly, and when Dave pulls back with a soft shy smile on his face Kurt has to smile back, equally shy. Dave fishes the keys out of his pocket and opens the door to the apartment.

"Goodnight Kurt."

KHDK

He wakes up shaking, body slick and cold with sweat, stomach heaving with fear. Flashes of images he can't piece together in his head and all he can remember is a sense of terror, dread and Dave's face.

CHAPTER FOUR