First and Foremost I Love You - Chapter Four (b)

[sunmontue]

Title: First & Foremost I Love You
Pairing/Triad: Sebastian Smythe/David Karofsky à Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe/David Karofsky

Rating: NC17 (right from the word go okay?)
Word count: ~5,000 words
Summary: Sequel to First Day. Set after “On My Way” Sebastian and Dave become friends, and then more. This is the sequel of them starting their lives at college in New York. Kurt and Sebastian are room mates.

Warning: Do I need to warn for Blaine being… self-absorbed?

SEPTEMBER OCTOBER NOVEMBER DECEMBER (a)

He wakes with one of Sebastian's arms wrapped around him, his body pressed along the length of his back and he feels more relaxed than last night. He doesn't know why he thought having dinner with his mom and step-dad would suddenly mean she accepts him for who he is, but a small part of him had definitely hoped that that had been the case. Instead he'd had to listen to her tell him it was wrong. That he was wrong, and sick, and needed to get help. He knows the only help he needs is his therapist to help him deal with how his mom is, which isn't the way it should be. He can accept complete strangers giving him the stink-eye, but having his own mother apparently love a book more than him just makes him hate himself. Likes he's not worth her time, even though he gets told it's her that isn't worth his time. He can't just give up on his relationship with his mother like that. Even if there's no real relationship to speak of.

He lets out a long sigh and feels Sebastian shift against him, kissing the back of his neck and he rolls over to face him, rubbing their noses together softly and smiling, because he's still not used to waking up with Sebastian, thrills at it every time it happens.

"Merry Christmas."

"Oh fuck. Yeah. Merry Christmas."

Sebastian laughs into his chest and he laughs as well. It's his first Christmas where he hasn't had to go to a midnight service and another during the day. Instead his dad and he, along with some of their relatives are going to Sebastian's parent's house. That's going to be weird, but he's also kind of excited to see them all intermingle. Sebastian has rolled away, is pulling something from his bag and then he's being given his first Christmas present.

"Seb, you didn't–"

"Fuck off, of course I did. Just be glad someone forced me to show some restraint, saying it might make you feel uncomfortable to shower you with gifts."

He grins shyly, looking at the smallish package Sebastian has laid in front of him because he knows Seb has to be referring to Kurt, and he'll have to thank him later, because yeah, of course Sebastian showering him with gifts would make him feel a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah well, you can shower me later… I mean–"

"Watersports huh?"

"Uh, no. I meant you can shower with me. Shut up, I'm tired…"

"I like you half-asleep. It's amusing."

"Yeah yeah…"

"Come on, open it."

"But yours is under the tree downstairs."

This will be his first Christmas that he hasn't split between his mom and dad, and he's glad he went with his gut instinct to only have dinner with her last night, because the idea of seeing her today makes him feel tense.

"I'll open it later. Come on."

He's never seen Seb this excited before and just to annoy him he slowly and carefully undoes the tape, peeling it back carefully so as not to rip the paper. He looks up to meet Seb's eyes and he's being glared at and he laughs. For some reason that earns him a kiss, Sebastian's fingers threading through his hair and he feels warm and content, kissing back slowly before pulling back and opening the gift. At first he thinks they're season tickets for both the Rangers and Giants, but that makes no sense, because part of the season is over and… holy shit. They're not season tickets, but they aretickets, to every remaining home game for the next six months. Fuck, if this is Seb not splashing out he hates to think what he would be like with no restraint.

"Seb, I can't accept this, it's too much."

"Well, don't think that too fast, I mean, they're all double passes, and you have to take someone, so…"

He laughs, relaxing a little, because yeah, he supposes that Sebastian's always going to come with him, and now he doesn't have to fight with Sebastian about who pays, because the craft asshole has made sure that as a gift he never has to pay again.

"You think you're so clever."

"Maybe."

"Pfft. There's no maybe about it, you definitely think you're clever."

"It's because I am clever. Admit it. These were genius."

"It's awesome. Thank you."

Seb grins at him, obviously pleased and he hopes his own gift will be as equally well received. It had taken months of planning, secrecy and he'd ended up getting Kurt's help, which he finds amusing considering Kurt has probably helped Sebastian, or at least held him back a little, which he's grateful for, because he didn't spend very much money at all. A cough from his doorway has him turning around, and his dad is standing there, already dressed, and he flushes, feeling a little self-conscious sitting on his bed with his boyfriend while his dad stands there.

"Maria's making pancakes. You two coming down?"

"Yeah, of course. Just, uh, let us get dressed."

His dad nods and pulls the door closed behind him and he's amazed at how fast Sebastian can move because he's being pressed back into the warmth of his bed, Seb's lips on his, tongue licking and teeth nipping.

"I really want to give you a Christmas day blow job, but I don't think we have time for that, and I don't know if you're really in the mood, but I just wanted to kiss you. Properly. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas you complete and utter sap."

"I wanted to give you a blow job, that's not sappy."

"Coming from you it is."

He pulls on his jeans and a shirt, wondering if he needs to dress up for Sebastian's house. Then again he really wants to have a shower before leaving the house, because he feels a bit wrecked from the crying last night, along with the cold sweats he'd experienced during dinner. Thinking about last night must show on his face because Sebastian crawls across his bed just to hug him and he feels a little idiotic for seeming so fragile, but he's not. Not anymore.

"Thanks for being there for me last night. I needed it."

"Anytime Fuzz."

Sebastian rubs his palm over his stubble and Dave rolls his eyes, pretending annoyance but he likes Seb's little pet name for him, and Sebastian knows it. He watches as Sebastian dresses and they head downstairs. The smell of bacon and coffee is heady and his stomach rumbles, because of course he was too upset to really eat last night. His dad sticks his head around the archway, eyebrow raised and Dave shrugs, jerking his head in the direction of the Christmas tree.

"I'm just going to give Sebastian his present, won't be a second."

He licks his lips, nerves suddenly jumping to the forefront and he shoves the tiny present at Sebastian before he can take it back, promise sexual favors in lieu of a gift. Fortunately Sebastian seems to pick up on his nerves, not drawing out the unwrapping process like he himself had and then the tiny music player is in Sebastian's hands. It's not as good as Sebastian's one, but he couldn't afford anything more than this, and he knows that what's on it will probably, hopefully, be of more value anyway.

"I know you already have an iPod, but this has…it's… me. Playing the piano. Uh. I played and recorded, because you tell me you like listening to me play, and now I figure you can listen to me play even when I'm not there."

"Oh."

The pleased surprise in Sebastian's voice relaxes something inside of him and he smiles softly at himself, feeling like he did something right.

"Thank you. I can't wait to listen to it. Did you put The Piano Duet on here?"

"Yeah, it's the first song," he says, grinning, because he kind of thinks of it as their song, and obviously Sebastian does a little as well, and he likes that. Quite a lot.

"Good. I like that song."

He doesn't know whether to mention that there are two versions of the song on there, one which he did by himself, like the time he played it for Sebastian, and another version, where he and Kurt are playing together. He'd been unsure about putting it on there, but Kurt had spent a long time practicing, secretly, so in the end he'd put it on.

Breakfast passes effortlessly, but he supposes that he's comparing it to dinner, which had been fraught with tension for him, so this is the opposite end of the spectrum for him. His step-mom is nice enough, she hasn't said anything about him being sick, which gives her points in his book. He helps clean up, and Seb helps, which has him frowning but Sebastian just shakes his head and says don't ask under his breath. He excuses himself to go shower and change, which he's going to do despite Sebastian insisting he doesn't need to.

They both shave, standing side-by-side in the bathroom, and it's a lot more cramped here than in Seb's bathroom at the apartment. That's the excuse Sebastian uses every time he accidentally brushes himself against Dave's ass. It's getting distracting, and he's already got two nicks from his razor. A very definitive grind means another nick and he catches Seb's eyes in the mirror.

"Seb, could you just… not?"

"Really? I was thinking about the blow job I mentioned earlier."

He groans, because a part of him really likes the idea, but he's also mindful of the fact that they are meant to be getting ready to leave, and his dad has been really good with everything and he really doesn't want to push that right now.

"Okay, sorry. No blowjobs."

"Maybe mutual hand jobs in the shower?"

Sebastian beams at him.

Of course his shower isn't made for two, although it does force them to stand together closely, hands gripping each other before they decide that for expediencies sake to swap back to jerking themselves off. It doesn't stop them kissing, or their other hand stroking over lathered-up skin, and it's almost like a waking dream, a fantasy, his own hand on his cock, knowing exactly the fastest way to get himself off. Having Sebastian's body pressed up against him, feeling his body thrust into his fist in the small space of his shower cubicle, as he makes the familiar sounds of arousal is another layer completely and it just drives him faster towards his orgasm.

He tries not to blush or look guilty when they go back downstairs, and he wishes that he could look as calm and collected as Sebastian but suspects his dad knows exactly what has happened. Well, maybe not exactly, but enough that he can't seem to meet his eyes, doesn't want to see hurt or disappointment like he sees in his mother's eyes each time she looks at him.

They're meant to be having Christmas lunch at Seb's house, although Seb has told him it's closer to three in the afternoon, so he's glad they've all had a large breakfast. He goes with Seb in his car, his dad and Maria following with his grandfather, and then Maria's sister and her kids in a car after that, like a small convoy. He really needs to find some way to thank Annelise for pretty much inviting his family.

When Sebastian pulls into the drive he does a double take. Seb had warned him, but he's still not really prepared for the complete overabundance of everything Christmas. The trees outside are decorated, and he can hear the excited squeals of his step-cousins even though they are two cars behind them. He sneaks a quick glance and sure enough Seb is smiling slightly and he shakes his head, because he obviously hadn't taken the warning seriously enough, thinking he's been exaggerating. But apparently not.

He thinks the Christmas tree in the foyer is big, smiles at the wide-eyed wonder of the little kids, but then he goes through to the living area and he knows he probably looks the same, mouth open, eyes-wide. He looks at Sebastian with a disbelieving look and just got a shrug in return before he leans against him, voice low as he whispers in his ear.

"It's mostly for my dad's work Christmas party which they host every year. Plus my mom loves Christmas." He says it with a 'what do you do?' type shrug and he smiles.

FAF

It feels good, having him here and mixing with his family. Of course he feels bad that Dave has to put up with the craziness that is his extended family, but things go amazingly well, and he feels comfortable and content, more than he would have ever thought possible, because it's kind of a big deal, having your families share a holiday like this, meeting for the first time properly.

He relaxes against Dave, leaning his head against his shoulder as the smaller kids use their stretched out legs as either race-ways or obstacle course for their new toy cars. He's not sure, and he's too tired and full of good food to care overly much. There's present opening, and he's already received his, although Paul is standing in front of him and holding out two almost identical packages.

"Here, these are from Kurt. He dropped by the other day for me to give them to you."

He and Dave take them, and each gift has a beautifully made tag on it with their names, and he can tell Kurt has made them himself. He picks his off carefully, wanting to keep it safe and accepts Dave's as he passes him his own little tag. He feels relieved that he gave Kurt a gift yesterday, and it explains Kurt's enigmatic smile and complete lack of guilt that he hadn't had a gift to exchange, he'd circumnavigated it by giving it to Dave's dad, which is actually kind of sweet, because if he hadn't given Kurt a gift he'd have time before he saw him again to get him one.

He opens it and stares at the shirt in his hands, and he can see from the corner of his eye that Dave has a shirt as well, and he shakes it out. It's…nice. And he knows Kurt has made it himself, because there's a little tag with Handmade by Hummel written on it in Kurt's tiny cursive script. The material is cream with earthy-colored pinstripes through it, but at the cuffs and collar there is a dark green fabric, adding a nice level of detail.

He looks to Dave's shirt and realizes his is made in contrasting colors; solid green but with the pinstriped material at the cuffs. He notices other little things, like how Dave has buttons on his cuffs but his own cuffs are made to wear with cufflinks, the collar in his own seems stiffer, but Dave's softer, because Dave still doesn't like wearing tight collars if he can help it. He has no idea when Kurt found the time to make these, but he likes it. Not as much as Dave's gift, but the fact that it's been made especially for him makes him happy. Although that could be the eggnog.

FAF

He spends the day after Christmas with Blaine, curled up under blankets on the sofa pretending it's cold just so they can snuggle together and watch movies. They exchange gifts and he doesn't have to feign surprise at the CDs Blaine has bought him, because he would have thought Blaine would know he already has all this music on his iPod. Regardless he thanks him, giving Blaine the jacket and matching bowtie he's slaved over the last few months. Worry curls in his gut that he won't like it, and his response isn't overly enthusiastic. He's pretty sure Blaine doesn't even realize that he's made them himself.

He pushes it away, not wanting to think about it right now, despite knowing he really does need to talk to Blaine. Everything feels okay with them right now, and has done for the last few days, but it's like his senior year all over again, but sped up and he feels helpless in the face of Blaine distancing himself. The last week has been wonderful, but there is another week before he's meant to return to New York and already Blaine has stopped answering his text messages immediately, is making himself less available. At least this time he knows what he is doing, but it doesn't stop it hurting any less, and he knows Sebastian is right. He can't have this dragging him down when he's trying to have a life in New York that Blaine doesn't seem to want any part of.

Despite trying to not think about it, it eats away at his mind, and he wants to talk it out with Sebastian again, because he can see only one solution, but he doesn't want it to be the only solution. He doesn't want to break up with Blaine, even though he feels like his life in New York wouldn't alter very much at all. He'd probably even feel a little better because he wouldn't feel like Blaine was ignoring him, because if they aren't together he wouldn't expect Blaine to want to talk to him on Skype, or listen to him complain about his classes, or the latest show he and Sebastian have seen, or the most amazing recipe he and Dave have just tried.

He's missing them he realizes, and it's only been forty-eight hours. How he's going to cope when they go back to New York for New Years he has no idea. He's meant to be staying in Lima, spending time with Blaine, before going back on the fourth. He's not sure how that will play out anymore, his mind and heart settling the more he thinks about it. He can't be with someone just because he doesn't want to be alone, especially when he feels so alone anyway. That thought seems to coalesce everything in his mind, and he realizes that he's going to be going back to New York single, he just doesn't know when or how he's going to break up with a guy he still loves.

FAF

The next time he sees Kurt and Blaine together he knows it is coming, maybe before Kurt, although he doesn't think so, but definitely before Blaine. He supposes it's because he's able to read the sadness and determination in Kurt's expression, like he's hoarding away some happy moments because he knows the end is near. He's not surprised, and he doesn't envy them trying to have a long-distance relationship. He'd never have attempted something like that, but they'd both been so convinced it would work. He's sad that it hasn't, more than just for them.

He shares a couple of looks with Kurt, quietly asks him if he's alright and gets small tight smiles in response, Kurt saying he'll be alright. Dave doesn't seem to know, and he doesn't feel like enlightening him, just in case it makes Dave go all introspective on their own relationship. He knows that Kurt will be doing the right thing, because when he and Dave had worn their shirts, taking their jackets off in the Lima Bean, Kurt's face had lit up, making a happy exclamation that they were wearing them, and that they fit so well. Blaine had been surprised to learn that Kurt made clothes and he knows the look he'd given Sebastian had been one of his old scathing looks, because both Kurt and Dave had frowned at him. But Blaine just doesn't seem to be aware of how multi-talented Kurt is.

He and Dave seem to both want to spend as much time with Kurt before they go back, and it's nice to spend time together without the stresses of essays, finals and presentations bearing down on them all. Not to mention the cooking, cleaning and general stuff that is one of the responsibilities of having an apartment. So he invites Kurt and Blaine to stay at his parent's, and there are still family around, but it's still nice. Kurt thanks him for the Broadway tickets and he just laughs, telling him the same thing he'd told Dave, in that he expects to be the person Kurt takes with him. He assuages his curiosity about where Kurt found the time and place to make their shirts and Kurt smirks at him, muttering 'Costume department at NYADA', and the smirk makes him feel like he's rubbing off on him.

When it comes to say goodbye at the train station the hug he gives Kurt takes him by surprise, although from the look on Kurt's face he's equally as shocked. Dave is laughing at them both, pushing him aside to gently give Kurt a hug of his own and he shakes himself mentally, because hugging… really? He knows he'd given Kurt a hug on Christmas Eve, but that had been more out of shared worry for Dave than anything… like this. He puts it down to the fact that he's kind of worried that they won't be there for him, for when he finally breaks up with Blaine, but he knows Kurt will have his dad, and he has other friends, and he will be seeing him again in only five days.

FAF

They're getting ready to go out for dinner, and that feels like a ridiculously old thing to do on New Year's Eve. He knows what Sebastian and Dave are planning and wishes he'd agreed to go back early, experience a New Year's in New York. Except he'd given in to Blaine's pleas that he stay in Lima for as long as possible, and now he's regretting it, feeling a little bitter and resentful that he's here and not where he wants to be. He can't take it all out on Blaine though, it was his decision to make. But it does solidify the fact in his head that he really needs to break up with him. He's tried talking, as a type of warning that he's not happy, but Blaine has effectively shut him down each time and he's just let him.

"I don't want you to go back."

"I – what?"

"I don't want you to go back. I want you to stay here with me."

He knows Blaine isn't serious, but the whining tone in his voice irritates him. The last few months he's tried to keep up the contact between them, and looking back it feels like it has been largely one-sided. Even now he seems selfish, not realizing how much Kurt loves New York. How stifled he feels in Lima. How stifled he feels with Blaine. He feels like throwing up, the realization that while he loves Blaine, he isn't right for him. And he's not right for Blaine either.

Emotional floodgates seem to open and he's crying, and he can hear the concern in Blaine's voice, asking him what's wrong, and this isn't how he wanted to do this, but the words are pouring out, everything he's been feeling.

"I need to break up with you. I want to break up with you."

Blaine tries to reason with him, tries to argue, but he just shakes his head, knowing he needs to stick this out, even though it's ripping him up inside. Blaine eventually leaves. He doesn't blame him, and he just curls into himself, pulling his duvet over his body and trying to ignore the fact that it smells like Blaine.

FAF

"We're never fucking doing this again."

Dave laughs, because he doesn't care about the crush of people, or the fact that it took them ten times as long to make what is usually a five minute stroll. Times Square on New Year's Eve. He can hardly believe that he's here, the lights, cameras and the positive feelings everyone around them seems to be exuding.

"Fuck, Kurt would love this."

"Yeah, he would," Sebastian replies, and there's a look of horror on his face, and he's immediately concerned.

"What?"

"I just realized we're going to have to do this at least once more so that Kurt can experience it."

"Yeah, we are," Dave says, looking up and smiling as the ball drops.

CHAPTER FIVE